i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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