it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
