All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
