i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
