It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
