So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
