i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
