I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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