I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
