you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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