she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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