It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
