How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
