she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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