Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
