Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
