i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
pray to the hookup gods
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
