a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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