At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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