It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You work out of a Hotel?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
