I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
