she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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