I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
