we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
