so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
