I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
