I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
