I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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