i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
