I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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