next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
