i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
