Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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