already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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