Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
