Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
