I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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