why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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