You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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