i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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