I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
