These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
