youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i think i just lost a toe
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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