I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
