i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
even my farts smell like vagina
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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