my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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