The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
