bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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