you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
