How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
