Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
