even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
