I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
