Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
