is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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