There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
