Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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