she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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