You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
